


'Cause Falling's Easy (But It Only Brings You Down)

by narryworks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 01:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6636196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narryworks/pseuds/narryworks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There’s nothing poetic about being so sad that it kills you to be alive. Stop letting them fucking win, Niall. Nothing means anything until you let it. </p><p>But you can leave, if you really want to.”</p><p>“I don’t want to want to, but, Christ, I’m so fucking close.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Cause Falling's Easy (But It Only Brings You Down)

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt read this over it was just me feeling a lot. based on Gravity by EDEN

Nothing has been the same since the hiatus started. Not with any of them, they said they’d be fine, that they’d all be the same- they just wouldn’t be One Direction. They’d be the four friends who took over the world and who made that bond that would get them past it, they’d have their fun- they’d have their fun and then they’d all come back together. They’d be together again and they’d carry on together, but this wasn’t their stories, this wasn’t their make believe. They weren’t ever coming back together. They were apart and the universe made sure they knew it was staying that way. 

 

For some reason, for some unknown unfair reason, they weren’t ever going to be One Direction, they weren’t even going to be friends again. They weren’t anything anymore. 

 

Niall knew it was bound to happen, he saw it coming. He learned a while ago you shouldn’t get attached to anything, it all leaves eventually. Live each day as if it was your last- loads of beer, loads of laughter and keep on keeping on. Don’t settle for anything. And he stuck to that, he knew he wasn’t ever settling, maybe it was that attitude that got him where he was, rich and famous. Rich, famous and living lives people could barely dream of. But he found himself dreaming less and less as days went on, it went from fairies and magic to monster and sprites and he was fighting off demons in his mind and he never wanted to settle, he never wanted to accept less than anything because he knew it was wrong and he knew it would hurt in the end just like everything else did, like everything else that came back around did. But Harry. Harry didn’t feel like settling. 

 

Harry felt like he was punching above his weight, like everyday lasted longer and everyday was way too short, like every second of every day was painful to be away from him, like love wasn’t something that was made for fiction and made for TV but something that was made for him, something he was finally allowed to have and it felt like it. It felt like love. He loved Harry and it felt like Harry loved him back, too. He almost convinced himself of it, too. But Harry did more than enough to have Niall believe him. Their runaways, their faded memories, their stolen moments and their forever after wasn’t just something in his dreams, it was there and it was real.    
Niall was living in his imagination, maybe that’s what it felt like. He had his dream job, he had everything he ever wanted, dream job, dream cars, he was a millionaire and he still had fans who loved him for him no matter what he did and he had Harry. He had Harry. He  _ had  _ Harry. 

 

And it came in more than just waves when it all hit him, it was a fucking tsunami that knocked him down onto the floor and crushed his bones and destroyed the boy he called home, who came home night after night and later and later and he wasn’t Harry anymore. He looked like Harry but the drink on his breath wasn’t Harry, the bags under his eyes weren’t Harry, the smoke from his clothes wasn’t Harry. The boy who told Niall he was going to get better and told Niall he loved him wasn’t Harry. He looked like Harry but it wasn’t him. Not anymore. 

 

But Niall wasn’t Niall anymore, either. He wasn’t Niall anymore. He was an empty shell of nothing more than wasted time and wasted dreams and a potential to be more than he ever was, more than just a fleeting glance at a bottle of whiskey before he was blurred into a vision he couldn’t make out and he was barely coping and barely getting by and he wasn’t Niall anymore. He wasn’t in love with Harry, he was in love with what he used to be and he couldn’t ever be that again. He was skipped meals, he was missed nights, he was missed calls, he was unanswered questions and he was avoiding everything that made him feel alive anymore. 

 

It doesn’t take much before Harry and Niall were in separate rooms, they were in separate state of minds and they were no longer who they loved. Everything they loved about each other was now bleak and colourless. Harry’s eyes were lost behind black and blue and Niall’s laugh was lost behind red stains that covered his tears like a stain painted window on a cathedral and Niall was still as beautiful but he didn’t feel it this time. They were a fairy tale and nothing could ever bring them down and now they were a raging fire in the depths of hell with no way out. 

 

They were louder voices and harsher words, they were faster fists and they were darker nights. They were no longer in love, no longer oblivious to the danger and they were anger and they weren’t in love and they weren’t themselves. 

And they didn’t want to leave each other, they wanted the fairy tale back, they wanted to feel more in love than they ever felt alive but they couldn’t feel anymore. They were numb to pain, to pleasure and they were numb to reality. 

 

But threats came in and they didn’t stop pouring from Niall’s mouth and he was losing everything he ever fought for and everything he ever wanted. Venom from his lips telling him if he ever wanted to leave, then he should because Niall didn’t want him here, he never did. 

 

“If you want to fucking leave so bad, just go. You’re nothing but a pack of cigarettes, you’re no better than the bottle of vodka you drink every night before you sleep. You try to run from your days by laying in sleep to not realise the only nightmare you face is whenever you’re awake and you can drink all you want, you can smoke all you want but it won’t help you sleep, it won’t help you breathe. It won’t bring back the love and the pain you don’t feel anymore, and you can do whatever you fucking want but it won’t save you. Nothing will save you.” 

 

“You’re the one who let the demons win, and you’re telling me to leave? You can run if you want to, I’m fucking fine. You’re the one who overthinks everything and you’re telling me I’m lost in daydreams of us in Neverland staying forever young when you spend every waking moment hanging over the toilet with your head in the gutter, there’s nothing poetic about being so sad that it kills you to be alive. Stop letting them fucking win, Niall. Nothing means anything until you let it. 

But you can leave, if you really want to.” 

 

“I don’t want to want to, but, Christ, I’m so fucking close.”

Niall can drink if wants to and he can do whatever it takes to keep the light of day from killing him from the inside out but he wants to want Harry again. 

 

It’s not until the last ray of sunlight has gone and the stars are praying the sun comes back up that Niall packs his bag and leaves Harry a note, 

 

“I’ll be gone until Monday, if falling’s bringing you down, you can leave if you really want to. You can run if you feel you have to. I’ll drink if I feel I have to, I’ll try to feel like I used to.”


End file.
